In the meantime, my practice is busy as ever. But I must remember to speak with a lisp whenever the Middle Eastern Prince comes for his therapy! I'll write a reminder on the back of my hand every Tuesday morning and peek at it during his session..........
..........SPEAK WITH LISP!!!
Middle Eastern Prince came for his first session today. He was distraught because of his pronounced lisp. Apparently lisping is considered non-dominant behavior in his culture. Even though he is Harvard-educated, he still subscribes to the quaint belief that a man must act like that square-jawed lumberjack in the red flannel shirt and massive biceps, on the BOUNTY paper towel wrapping. Or that strapping ironworker on the MANHANDLER soup can, or my plumber Barbaroso, all of whom exhibit gay tendencies, if you ask me.
Anyway, as every healthcare provider knows, it's imperative to establish rapport with the patient immediately. This means if your patient leans to the left, you lean to the left; if he uncrosses his legs, scratches his head and fiddles with his Smart Phone, you do the same. I do a pretty fair job of imitating my patients in their behaviors, although I draw the line at climbing out the window and threatening to jump. They're on their own there!
Well, the Middle Eastern Prince came to my office today and introduced himself. "I have a thlight thpeech impediment," he said. "Ith there thomething you can do to help me with thith problem?"
"Yethhir, Your Highneth," I said, establishing rapport through imitation. "There ith nothing to be contherned about. Pleathe thit down."
"My goodneth," he said. "Nobody told me you have a thpeech impediment too!"
"I thertainly do," I said. Well, it was going smoothly until my assistant Delphinia called me on the intercom.
"Charles?" came her voice.
"Yeth?" I said. "What ith it?"
Delphinia, who is a drama major at Santa Monica College and who has improvisation training, automatically started talking with a lisp. "I was thinking of having thushi for a thnack. Or thome thoup. It'th a tough choith. Would you like me to pick you up a thandwich? A thardine thandwich, perhapth?"
The Middle Eastern Prince grew irate and accused Delphinia of mocking him but I assured him she was imitating me and that I fully understood his pain. He seemed to buy that story, which was a relief, since he could probably have her beheaded!
Anyway, he felt much better after his therapy and bounded out of the office and didn't even use the elevator. He took the stairth!
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